Tag Archives: husband

What could have caused a grown man to be selfish and what can I do to help me get out of it?

My husband is a very selfish person. He expects me to take care of him, take care of the house, pay all the bills, work full time, and have a business on the side.
He never takes me out. He has only gotten me two gifts in the whole almost 3 years of our marriage. He has never gotten me flowers, ever. He never cooks for me. Never even sends me e-cards. If I need help with something and ask, he either ignores the question or says no; then expects me to help him whenever he needs it. He won’t go to counseling. He won’t go to church. He won’t even call his friends.
Could he be depressed and selfish? Just depressed? Just selfish?
I want this marriage to work, but I am emotionally empty. I no longer feel what I used to feel for him.
We don’t have children (he says we are not ready), although I want some so bad I cry by myself at night.
What can I do?
I mean help him get out of it.

should i stay or should i go?

i’ve dated my husband since i was 12 and we got married at 20 and 21 .after all these yrs he says that i neglected him and he dosn’t know if he wants to be in the marriage anymore. after he says 6 yrs of turning him down. i’m on different meds including depo shot , i take asthma and bp meds. all these yrs he has never been romantic like, take me out, give me flowers and jewlery . for every anniversary,birthday and holiday or spec occassion he has a card or gift. from all these yrs ive kept his gifts and cards in a treasure .box i can count on both hands how many gifts ive got from him . ive done everything that i can think of to talk and he dosnt want to
he wants to just keep going and dont talk about it and when i talk about it he gets mad i know that there is no other woman but i feel like he’s tired of being with me he says we are growing apart he loves me but not like he did when we were dating. im stumped i almost feel like he’s playing head games
i do dress up and wear sexy thing i even do my own oil changes , i like bikes and xxx, im a all around wife i like different things
forgot to mention we have 2 girls age 20 and 13 my 20 yr old i had her in highschool 5 dys before my 16th birthday
both of my girls are his naturally

i love my husband , but he says he doesn’t love me. yet we stay together…?

we have 3 kids, all grown and out of the house. i always thought that our marriage was a good one because he always did the right things to make me happy. you know bring home flowers for no reason, send me cards. the little things that make me feel loved. after the kids left home i found some emails where he was trying to go out with this other woman that works for the same company as he did. i asked him about them and he told me that it wasn’t any of my business. blah , blah, blah, then after persueing the issue with him, he told me that he never loved me and that he just stayed because of the kids. I was devestated. still am. anyways, i found out that this woman told my husband that she doesn’t date employees and just keeps them at arms length. her polite way of saying that she wasn’t interest in him. So now he says that he wants to stay with me and work things out. what would you do. stay or leave? tell me what you think of him

What country is better to raise children in a wholesome way?

My husband is hard working, I am looking after our small children. I prefer respectful unconditional loving parenting – and love doing things in a community.

INTERESTS Eco gardening, permaculture, organic food, walking, hiking, swimming, nature walks, looking after wildlife, volunterring in the community and environment, home-cooked food, hand-made toys, craft and knitting, well -read. ANti-TV, no mobile phones or wireless. Pro-breastfeeding babies, cosleeping, real nappies, anti cry-it-out, baby led weaning.

At teh moment I live in the midlands in the UK and boy, I do not fit in!

how can i leave when it hurts so much?

i have known my husband since i was 15, i am now 50. i always thought we had a great relationship, he always brought me flowers, cards just out of the blue. we have 3 grown children, all away from home now. he has never given me any sign that he wasn’t happy. then 2 years ago we had a pretty good fight, not physical, but he revealed to me that he has never loved me and that he only stayed because of the kids. I was devestated. i almost had a nervous break down. it was like my whole world collapsed in around me. i tried suicide but failed. ended up in the psyso ward at the hospital 3 times. I know that it is over between us but i just can’t accept it. I mean where do i go? i can’t burden my kids with my problems. I don’t have job skills cause i was a stay at home mom all my life. what do i do, where does it end. i went to school but they closed the doors before i graduated. i got certified in forklift opperation. but everyone wants experienced ppl; what do i do. how can i go on

What can I send other than flowers to a family member who is passing away?

I need an idea of what to send her and her imediate family until I can go visit this weekend. She has a husband, two grown children, and two grandsons (elementary school age). I was thinking about having a dinner sent, but I could use more ideas since this is the first time that a close family member has passed away in years.

Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose. And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty?

bows. The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door. The card said, “Be my Valentine,” like all the years before. Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say, “I love you even more this year, than last year on this day. My love for you will always grow, with every passing year.” She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear. She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day. Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away. He always liked to do things early, way before the time. Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine. She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase. Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face. She would sit for hours, in her husband’s favorite chair. While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.
A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate. With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate. Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door. She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock. Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop. The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain? “I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,” The owner said, “I knew you’d call, and you would want to know. The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance. There is a standing order,that I have on file down here, And he has paid, well in advance, you’ll get them every year. There also is another thing, that I think you should know; He wrote a special little card… he did this years ago. Then, should ever I find out that he’s no longer here, That’s the card…that should be sent, to you the
following year.” She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard. Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card. Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note. Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote… “Hello my love, I know it’s been a year since I’ve been gone, I hope it hasn’t been too hard for you to overcome. I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real. Or if it was the other way, I know how I would feel. The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life. I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife. You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need. I know it’s only been a year, but please try not to grieve I want you to be
happy, even when you shed your tears. That is why the roses will be sent to you for years. When you get these roses, think of all the happiness, That we had together, and how both of us were blessed. I have always loved you and I know I
always will. But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still. Please…try to find happiness, while living out your days. I know it’s not easy, but I hope you find some ways. The roses will come everyyear, and they will only stop, when your door’s not answered, when the florist stops to knock. He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out. But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt to take the roses to the place where I’ve instructed him. And place the roses where we are, together once again. Sometimes in life, you find a special friend; someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can’t stop; Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is Forever Friendship.

Funding for “Investment Property” which will eventually be our retirement home? Any help?

Here’s the situation: My husband and I currently have a primary residence in North Dakota which we have a mortgage on (monthly payment is $823). We plan to retire in 15 years. For the past year we have been looking at property for sale with or without a residence on it to have set up as our primary residence in retirement. This last week we found it. Its perfect, everything we want for our family, upstate New York, 5 acres, stream, surrounded by apple & peach orchards, 1/4 from Lake Ontario, across the street from a state park, 15 minutes from Amish Country, huge barn, etc. Currently there are renters in the property and it is For Sale By Owner. The property is selling for $155k and the current owners bought it for $145k 3 years ago. We believe it is reasonably priced. Our credit score is between 760-770 and have a low debt ratio (no car payments, no credit debt, one small 3 year loan under 7k that we got for our parents to consolidate their loans and they pay on time.) I think we have formed a good repore with the sellers. This is their second home as well, they live out of state.

I have talked to a handful of banks and we are definitely preapproved. The down fall is that they are considering this an investment property because there are currently renters in the home whom we have agreed that they will stay for no longer than a year, then becoming our vacation home until we can retire there. Is there anyway around this “investment” classification that the lenders are calling it. For 14 out of the 15 years it will be a vacation home until we can make it our primary residence. With the lenders classification the lending falls under more strict rules. For example we will have to have 20% down, plus closing costs, totaling about 42k due at closing. That’s a lot of money! But we want to get in now because I know as we speak mortgage lending practices are tightening and new rules are being put into place. With this and inflation we want to get in now before it will cost us even more money. Our plan would be to have it paid off by the time we retire.

Please anyone with any ideas/advice would be helpful. We are open to non-traditional ideas like “assuming a loan” or the like.

Here is what we have been given by the banks thus far:
30 year fixed
pay 2 points
6.625 interest rate
20 % down
Payment around $1070 a month

Thanks in advance.
I would like to add a few more details and thank you to all who have helped in answering my question thus far.

The current owners own the house in full, so there is no mortgage. Also, I know they want to sell this house so they can use the money from equity for their new house. We haven’t put in an offer yet but they have already told us they are firm on the price, 155k and that they have already reduced it by 15k. I do believe it is a great deal at 155k.

Hope these minor details help. Keep coming with the good advice.

My husband wants to dance with our daughter: the song is Wildflower but I don,t know who interprets it…?

My husband wants to dance with our daughter: the song is Wildflower but I don,t know who interprets it but here is the lyrics
She’s faced the hardest times
you could imagine
and many times her eyes fought back the tears
and when her youthful world
was about to fall in
each time her slender shoulders
bore the weight of all her fears
and a sorrow no one hears
still rings in midnight silence,
in her ears

Let her cry, for she’s a lady
let her dream, for she’s a child
let the rain fall down upon her
She’s a free and gentle flower,
growing wild

and if by chance I should hold her
let me hold her for a time
but if allowed just one possession
I would pick her from the garden,
to be mine

Be careful how you touch her,
for she’ll awaken
and sleep’s the only freedom that she knows
and when you walk into her eyes,
you won’t believe
the way she’s always paying
for a debt she never owes
and a silent wind still blows
that only she can hear and so she goes

Let her cry, for she’s a lady
let her drea

I need your opinion– was what this lady said acceptable?

Last week, I was at the mall. I was looking for a new bathing suit. I went into the GAP, and was looking at some. This lady next to me– she was probably around 30, I don’t know, was looking at them, too. She was on her cell phone discussing the bathing suits with her friend– some female. She was looking for a bathing suit for her husband, apparently. She picked out this purple, Hawaiian print (flowers), one and said to her friend “I don’t know if he would like this– it’s kind of gay looking, I don’t know..”
She then looked at me and said “Is this bathing suit gay?” I thought that was a funny word choice for a grown woman. I responded “Yeah, a little bit..”. She told her friend “Yeah, this guy next to me thinks it’s gay!”.
She then asked me if 15 other bathing suits were “gay”.
I was so close to saying “You know, I am gay. People can be gay. Bathing suits can’t be gay.”, just to see her reaction.
I’m not gay, but what she was saying bothered me.

Does anyone kind of agree?
Ok, I wasn’t ‘offended’… but just think about it, if she asked a gay guy, he would have been.
I would understand it more if this lady was a teenager, but she was at least 30 years old.
I just didn’t know that grown adults used slang like that.
I would NEVER ask someone if something was gay, if I didn’t know that they would find it funny or understand that I meant “gay” in an undesirable sense.